The horrors

The official press release:

Tiki was in a nasty bike wreck coming into the final 300 meters of the Pace Bend Road Race this Sunday. Many questions are being thoroughly investigated and here is what we currently know.

1. "was he wearing the Madona del Ghisallo around his neck?" Yes, and the area in which the medallion hung reflected the only tissue not damaged on his body. This indisputably proves GOD exists.

2. "why was he racing in Wooly Mammoth loins rather than his kit?" Just in case Tiki was in a wreck this Sunday he decided to not only shave his legs but go further and tear his kit to shreds so that medics could easily assess the trauma.

3. "rumor is spreading that this incident is a hoax and is nearly an attempt to cover up a darker secret of domestic violence from Katiki" This is so false. Even though the couple has appeared on the television show COPS on numerous occasions, I would like to stress that if Tiki was to cover up Katiki's physical beat downs he surly would have said that he fell down the stairs.

4. "No one has seen Kemot over the past week. There are several reports of Wooly Mammoth gang style initiations and some speculate that Kemots broken tooth, and Tiki's various bite marks from an individual missing a tooth could be related." Even though TWM officially has claimed responsibility for Kemot's bodily injury after his team initiation, Tiki was unscathed at that point because Kemot was tied to a chair.

5. "It looked like shortly before Tiki was taken out he was seen licking his lips pedaling to the final sprint. It certainly looked as if he was going to contest for the win." This is true, Tiki was poised to win after the amazing show of TWM tactics throughout the day. I feel that perhaps as a race favorite he might have been targeted for the take down. Is it a coincidence that the McKinney Velo rider who won was a teammate of the suck rider who crashed Tiki?

6. "It looks like Tiki might have been mauled by a mountain lion going into the final sprint, has this been officially ruled out?" Yes, although Pace Bend at one point was a flourishing puma habitat they have long been eradicated along with the native Comanche Indians.

In retrospect, it was a very scary event. I was blindsided as I was preparing to launch my sprint at a very dangerous moment of the race. I hit the ground so hard and fast that I didnt even know what happened. The first thing I did was move my arms to ensure that both shoulders were ok. I was bleeding everywhere and had hit my head real hard on the road. My helmet broke in 2 places and my new Garmin 301 shattered. I closed my eyes and sat in silence, more upset emotionally that someone I was racing with could be so careless. I was extra bummed because the race sucked overall and it was near the end. I had good position for the sprint and my legs were feeling strong like buffalo as many around me started pedaling backwards. I cant help but feel that I would have contested for that uphill win. A Mexican man who didnt speak english was pouring cool water on my head as I sat. It was weird, but felt amazing. Then the medics arrived, then Katie, then my teammates. I knew Katie would freak because these types of injuries often look worse than they are. Back at the medic tent I was examined and my beautiful kit cut off. The paparazzi was going nuts in hopes of full nudity. Everyone keep thinking my arms were broken because my triceps are huge. My girlfriend and TWM mates were freaked out, but I was able to walk away under my own strength.

During the car ride home I felt as if I had a terrible case of what degenerate high school kids refer to as "blue balls". I was mentally and physically in tune with unleashing a furious uphill sprint, but instead hit the ground at around 28 mph. Only one other time in my life have I felt this... It was during an At All Cost house show and we were fixing to drop the heaviest breakdown in our arsenal when all the sudden a mother came bursting in the room and shut down the show. I swore to my driver Amy and Katie that I would race La Primevera in a week.

When we got home I was hungry and ready for pizza. I wanted to get cleaned up first and decided to take a shower and scrub my wounds with a sponge soaked in betadine. I was recommend to receive stitches in my elbow and knee but declined since I recently cancelled my health insurance. Over the 2 years I paid insanely high premiums and had never utilized my coverage. Luckily Katie was in the shower with me because I suddenly felt like throwing up. I quickly exited the shower and sat on the ground. Next I felt was my inner ears become ice cold. I was quickly loosing my vision and feeling so incredibly tired. I really struggled to stay conscious. Katie was on the phone with a 911 dispatcher and I was talking pure gibberish to her. I kept yawning and closing my eyes. I remember Katie yelling at me to keep my eyes open but it was so hard to do. I farted 4 times. I thought I was surly going to die; so before I fully lost consciousness I kept telling Katie that I loved her. I ended up in the ER at the local hospital and had a CT scan to make sure my brain wasnt broken. All things checked out ok and I am really grateful for that. I am super duper sore today from my head to toes. One of the worst pains is where they injected me with tetanus virus. As long as I stay still I feel ok but when Katie made me sweep the house and mop the floors this morning it really hurt.

Thanks to all my amazingly wonderful family, friends, team mates, and fans who have sent me amazing healing vibes all day. I feel really lucky to have such handsome people in my life. If yall were in the bathroom with Katie and I when I thought I was dying, I would have told each one of you how much I love you also.