Griz and his organic makeup

To the guy that loves to insult me by using words like 'gay' and 'fag,' I am pretty sure you are putting on "sunscreen" in the form of a makeup brush. "But its organic..." That now makes two of us that put makeup on before races.

Fort Davis

On our way out of town we stopped by Target to meet Griz for our caravan. His bagging shift is conviently over at 9:00am.

This years Fort Davis was perhaps the most memorable of all time. However not for personal accomplishments, for my own results were not exactly what I had doped for. My memories were instead shaped by watching handsome teammates thrive in the former Apache Indian Territory. The strength, focus, and perseverance depicted in Fort Davis proved to me that everyone on TWM is basically a grand champion and master lover of the universe.

The weekend started with a surprise motivational speaker (Mark "White Eagle" - Shosone Shaman) visiting the team camp and lecturing his warriors on principles of unity, power, and chem-trails. Turns out that "White Eagle" blessed the team and granted each of us special powers. Some received spirit eagles to rest on the crown of their head, others received tigers for leg strength. Juan Benedicto was granted a personal dragon to accompany him on his multiple trail runs over the weekend. The womens squad made out with a bunch of Indian warrior spirits after "White Eagle" called on his ancestors to kiss their cheeks... 25% lucky... 75% jealous. Griz and I purchased magic oil from our shaman. This tincture smells great and according to "White Eagle" all we need to do is put some over our hearts and buy a lottery ticket. He guaranteed that we would win.

After team lecture we had a smudging ceremony in which copious amounts of my own dehydrated sage was burned in a coffee mug. It was glorious and outrageous.




This is how we spent the night before the race... no wonder most of us felt rather rushed and unprepared for the next day.

The hill climb was hard. I was surprised how strong everyone was riding in the peleton. I was caught off guard at the base of the observatory by a quick and powerful acceleration and got dropped. Finished ~15th. Crossed the line with Jesse. He looked super duper strong.

Katiki won the Cat 3 hill climb. Ultra and pro! She was upset at Griz and I for not cheering louder. Whatever GF, maybe if you stopped thinking about making out with Native American spirits you could have noticed us there.

On to the TT... I have never had a wonderful TT experience here. I finished 8th. Somewhat bummed and thinking that I had purchased a bad batch of magic oil. Katiki took 2nd in the TT. She is way fast and aero. At the end of the day she was in 1st place GC!

Day 2 road race was upon us. Storms were on the horizon and there was talk of abandoning the race from my teammates. The thought of cold mixed with moisture in the middle of the mountains sounded horrible to me as well. I was wondering if it would be worth the suffering to defend a 10th place GC. Luckily, the storm abated until after the completion of the race. It turned out epic! My broski Patricio stuck a break away at around mile 40 and slipped into the smoke of a wild grass fire. He won the day! I finished with the lead pack and felt tremendous accomplishment from that. Katiki, won her race. She is pro and ultra. Im really proud of her. She has been pouring her heart and soul into writing this thesis and proved to herself that she doesnt need to train to win races. This now frees up her summer time schedule in which she formerly anticipated training for the Ironman World Championships.

Just like the end of each Fort Davis trip I focused on three things. 1. How much fun I had. 2. How much I look forward to returning. 3. Mark "White Eagle" surly can communicate with my native american kin. I wonder how many white people they have scalped in the spirit world?

Ultra handsomeness 101

When not riding unpaved and isolated mountain passes in the Basque region of Spain, Tiki has multiple side operations. These "jobs" keep the man busy, well rounded, and one with the common folk that compose this great land of the bald eagle.

This work includes:
+Recycling master of universe
+Soon to be millionaire
+Founder of greatest energetica bars known to mankind
+Dog breeder and trainer
+Exceptionally talented lover to his squaw (Katiki)
+Physiotherapist at the best clinic in all of the former Comanche territory (Austin Manual Therapy Associates)

And most recently:
+Clinical/faculty instructor for the Department of Health and Human Performance at the best ivy league college in Texas (Texas State University)





This semester he has taken over teaching a course titled Handsomeness and Ultra 5308. Formerly taught by professor and brave knight Heath Ledger. Taylor has created a syllabus that emphasizes topics such as tanning, body shaving, body building, general hotness, and muscle cars. Pre-requisites include: Introduction to masculinity 101 and Introduction to the use of body butter 101.





Check this out: http://www.hhp.txstate.edu/Divisions/Athletic-Training/Faculty.html scroll down 1/2 of page until you are blown away. My bossman, also has a handsome mustache and hired me because it was a pre-requisite for teaching the course.

And yes... my christian name is James Collins.

visualization

Since Katiki has recently spent the past 3 months of "free time" composing her thesis, she has regretfully missed crucial cycling season training blocks designed exclusively by Zeus (the god of thunder). In attempt to keep Katiki on the podium at all costs, Tiki has recently stepped in by studying the art of motivational speaking and the power of hypnosis. The precise volume, intensity, and timing of these visualization exercises have replaced Joe Friel's periodization model, with lore of christian science, patriarchal societies, hegemonic masculinity, and exploitation of women world wide. Here is an blurp from a recent exercise:



"Katiki.. I just received confirmation from vice president Joe Biden that there is a clause in the new health care package that mandates women below the poverty line receive the HPV cervical cancer vaccination across their life span! This makes you very sultry! Feel the burning in your legs... that is the burning of millions of under paid and overly oppressed women. Rick Perry finally got his wish... or at least the first part of it... you see there is more to this. I hate to inform you but the year 2012 is only months away. Mayan deities have predicted the end of human kind! And more shocking, a documentary film called 2012 has been recently released and is floating around the black market as well as Blockbuster and Netflix. This documentary was filmed by christian scientists who were able to travel back in time to warn us of our eventual demise. Upon personal interview with a number of these scientists, I have confirmed that there is an space vessel being built in China by exploited Chinese sex workers (mostly women). Shocking still, there are only enough room for wealthy American men upon this spaceship. Feel the angry blood pump through your arteries! Each pump of your heart represents another sexist remark from a TXBRA racing official, and as your heart beats faster, you begin to hear the voice of Moses teasing you, "I only put male animals on my biblical arch because they are more handsome than females". More twists and turns, the spaceship is composed of genetically modified cloned versions of Meow Pataw! Somehow, millions of Meow Pataws have been raised in test tubes only to be tortured and melted into space luxury. The present... the Apocalypse is in your hands. I just spoke to Hu Jintao, the Paramount leader of the People's Republic of China and he said that only you can stop the madness. In fact, if you win this race, Dr. Jintao has offered to release a secret ancient Chinese formula that will help stop the world wide AIDS epidemic! Only if you win here today can huMANity be saved. Ride strong like buffalo, smart like owl, cute like fox, and fast like GIRL! God speed young warrior."